i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
