I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
