operation harelip BJ is a go
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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