he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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