Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
