Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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