i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
