May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
