Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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