In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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