I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
