he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
we're so committed to being not committed
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
