Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
