Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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