and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
