Your face is a jimmy john
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
