i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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