Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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