I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Randomize