He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
