We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
