Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
