Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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