And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize