Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
