Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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