You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
