Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
there is puke in my bra ... again
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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