I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize