Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
