are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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