Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I looked at my own cervix.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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