Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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