Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
