I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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