my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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