Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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