the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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