He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
