idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
