Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
