yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
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You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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