my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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