Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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