life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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