If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
