Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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