Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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