I have demons in me.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
