but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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