I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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