I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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