Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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