i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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