I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
