he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
