i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
