im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
