you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
