Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
