thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
