I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
