You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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