well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
